My True Religion

Disclaimer: Please note that these are my personal beliefs which are very different from the LDS faith and may be offensive to some. If you are offended easily, I suggest you read this post anyway because I think I make some valid points. You have been warned :)

I grew up in Bountiful, UT where the LDS church is very present, as is the case with most cities in Utah. This post is for me to explain the reasons why I left the church. It's a struggle for both me and my husband that we have friends and family that are very strong believers in the LDS faith, but have a hard time accepting our differing beliefs.

Quite frankly it's insulting to me, that because I left the church, some of my friends and family don't think I am truly happy...not all, but some. They think I have "lost my way" and that I will never be truly happy without the church. And it's rather annoying and offensive. I find myself constantly acquiescing to the LDS culture and being careful about what I say to others...even though what I say isn't meant to be offensive, it's simply what I believe. Instead of just realizing that I believe the way I do for good reason and being happy for me that I have a good life, members of the church will often feel sorry for me when they shouldn't.
My mother, for example, is very happy being LDS. It's good for her to be a part of a community and to have something to believe in. And I am happy for her that it makes her happy.

Religion has never been a priority in my life. I remember being very young and thinking to myself: "There are thousands of religions out there, all very different from each other. The followers of each church believe their church to be the one "true church"...some of whom would be willing to die with that faith! So how can it be there is only one "true" religion?" The answer to that is very simple...there is no such thing as a true religion, it does not exist. There have been multiple wars and numerous unnessary deaths because of religion. Just think, if people could have just accepted that everyone's different and agreed to just live and let live. Thousands of lives would have been spared. Now, having said that, I would never tell someone to leave their faith. Many people need that structure and they need something to believe in. I, however, am not in that group of people. I feel that I have enough structure on my own.

I'll give some Q and A examples:

Q: If you don't believe in God/Heaven, how do you find peace?

A: Fist off, I would just like to make it clear thatI am not an Athiest at all, and that I am very much Agnostic. I believe that there is some sort of creative being. I like to think that there is a Heaven that we go to after we pass on, and that we get to see all our loved ones who have passed before us and everyone looks amazing...but I can't honestly say I know that will happen. If there isn't a God or a Heaven, I simply believe that we just die, and everything goes black...and it won't be sad because we will have no existance, therefore we will have no feeling, so it won't matter. In some ways it's the perfect answer to anything!

The church teaches us that God gave his only begotten son to be crucified so that all of our sins may be forgiven. Stop right there...WHAT?! If he was a gracious, all-powerful God, then why couldn't he just forgive all the sins himself? Why did his son, Jesus Christ have to suffer?
Another example: Why would a loving God tell Moses to tell everyone that unless they kill a sheep, and put it's blood above their door, that God would come in and smite their innocent first born? Seriously? What happened if the parents of those innocent children didn't get the memo? Too bad for them? I'm sorry, but that is just sick and twisted.

Q: If you believe there is no God/Heaven, then what is our purpose on this earth?

A: What is the purpose of the millions of fish in the ocean? Are they going to be judged based on how they live their life? How well they swim? How gullible they are? Is there a specific spot in fishy heaven for them? Probably not.
The LDS faith tells us that we're put on this earth as a test, and that we will be placed in a certain spot in heaven based on how we live our lives on earth. So if that's true, is that determined by how many times a day we pray? How much good we do for others? How many times we go to the Temple? If we drink coffee, tea and wine will we even make it to heaven? What is this belief based on? I mean, it's a bit absurd when you think about it.
I think we're put here on earth to live. Our purpose is to live our lives the best we can and hope that things turn out for the best. The important thing is to be a good person, be honest and kind, and live life to the fullest!
If God were a just god, he wouldn't limit heaven to one specific group. My god wouldn't care how much people worshiped him. He would be far mor concerned with other things going on like war, or natural disasters. Instead of being narcissistic and insisting that everyone worship him, he would want us to be doing good for others. But hey, that's just me.

Q: Did you decide to leave the church because of the people or the rules?

A: Absolutely not. I left because I don't believe there is a true religion. I simply don't believe the church doctorine. I think Joseph Smith and Brigham Young were not very good people. I don't think they were evil. But here's what happened. Joseph Smith tells everyone that God, himself came to him and told him to start the church. So he supposedly translated the Book of Mormon and created a religion. Then there's Brigham Young who wasn't a very nice person. He had several wives and treated them like dirt. Plus he was also a racist...really? Things have changed over time with the LDS faith. Garments are more lenient, African-American members are now allowed to be sealed in the temple and hold the Preisthood. A few years ago 2 piercings in a woman's ear was suddenly unacceptable, declared by Gordon B. Hinkley. Also, flip flops were no longer an option for church attire. Some of these things are just stupid if you ask me. I'm pretty sure God has greater concerns than 2 piercings in woman's ear. But that's just my take on the matter.

I didn't leave because of the people in the church. I grew up in an exceptional ward. I was lucky to have wonderful neighbors and ward members that treated my family with love and respect. They have always been there when we needed help, and they even threw me a beautiful bridal shower last year before my wedding. So clearly the people weren't the reason for my leaving. I love the ward that I grew up in, always have always will. I learned a lot of good things from them that have carried over into my day-to-day life, and I will always be greatful for that.
However, there are some people who take it upon themselves to judge others negatively by their lifestyle, and that doesn't mesh well with me at all. Everyone is different and a specific lifestyle isn't meant for everyone. It's like I was saying earlier, some people in the church honestly think I'm lying about my happiness, and that I am secretly unhappy or lost without the church....which is total bologna. I'd be nice if they could accept me for the person that I am and be genuinely happy for me, as I would be for them if they told me they were happy in the church.
Also, I like to drink every now and then, and I see nothing wrong with smoking once a week. It may not be the best thing for your health, but that doesn't make it "morally wrong". It's a little taboo and relaxing, which makes it all the more fun. Moderation in all things.

I moved in with Kory a few months before I married him, and it was one of the best damn decisions I ever made. Here's how I look at it: Would you buy a car without test-driving it first? Of course not! The same goes for me in a life partner (which is far more important than a car if you ask me). And garments, as attractive and convenient as they are, I think I'll pass. But like I say, to each their own. Nothing wrong with difference of opinion.

Q: How can you support gay marriage when it is morally wrong?

A: BECAUSE IT'S NOT MORALLY WRONG! Telling them that they are an abomination to the human race is morally wrong! Love is love and it doesn't matter if it's a man and woman, woman and woman or man and man. Love is love PERIOD!!! I have a very hard time with people who are anti-gay/lesbian, because who are they to judge? Saying that being gay is a moral sin, is like saying being black or asian is a moral sin. Take it from someone who has several gay/lesbian friends and has actually had in-depth discussions about this topic: They don't choose to be a minority group and to be looked down by others. They are who they are and they can't help it. People who say otherwise are flat out wrong! I understand that some don't understand it, hell I don't understand it either. I've never been sexually attracted or fell in love with a woman, so I don't understand what it's like. But forcing YOUR lifestyle on all of society is wrong! For example: I can't help the fact that I am caucasian and straight...I just am, and I can't help that. If a man wants to marry another man or a woman to a woman, he/she should be allowed that right! It states in the Declaration of Independance and I quote"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness." So, regardless of personal belief, it is simply un-American to ban gay marriage!
Multiple religions are very anti-gay, so because of so-called "moral" beliefs, gays can't be married in most states (side note...HURRAY for New York legalizing gay marriage!). But why do THEY need to conform to the norm? Why can't people just except that we are all different, but we are all created equal?!
If we allowed gays/lesbians the same rights that everyone else in America is entitled to, guess what would happen? We would be a better, more tolerant country! And we would be staying true to the words of our Founding Fathers! And guess what? There would be a decrease of unnecessary suicides, an increase of happy people in the U.S. and equality for all! Imagine that! Heaven forbid we take any steps to create a nation where everyone is accepted for who they are.

Because of ridiculous intollerance, there are thousands of unnessecary suicides of wonderful people, all because they live in a world where they are not accepted for who they are! How sad is that? If you are a hater, shame on you!

To those of you that say being gay is a choice: You are clearly ignorant to the fact that everyone is different. Let me tell you a true story about a good friend of mine who's mom is a lesbian. My friend's mom got married to her husband in the LDS temple, sealed to him, had 3 beautiful children and got sealed to all of them. She was faithful to her husband for 17 years, all the while KNOWING it wasn't what she wanted. It was what the church TOLD HER she wanted. Luckily this woman was smart enough to do the right thing and admit to herself that this lifestyle was not for her. She came clean to her husband and children, and they are all very accepting of her new lifestyle and love her all the same.
As opposed to another friend of mine. One of the sweetest most loving men I've ever met, whos parents who kicked him out of the house at the age of 17 when he came out of the closet because they couldn't accept that their son was different. Of course, these parents were stout Mormons. And luckily he had a loving sister who took him in and let him live with her.

If you have Netflix, I STRONGLY encourage you to watch the documentary called "8 The Mormon Proposition". I won't get into the details, but if you watch it, you'll see why I have such strong feelings about this particular issue.

All you Christian/religious people out there...think about this: What would Jesus do? Would Jesus cast gays/lesbians aside like garbage and say that they can't go to heaven because of personal choices? No! Jesus taught us to love one another. Not "Love thy neibor, but only if he/she conforms to the norm." Do you see my point? I have absolutely no tolerance for intolerance! I consider myself open-minded, but I'm not open-minded to being rude or closed-minded.
You can look at one of my older posts "My views on the LDS church". It's a converstion I had with my friend Jason on IM, we talked about religion and I explained to him some of my views, some of which have changed a bit since then, but you'll get the idea.

Q: Well, maybe you haven't done enough research, so how can you have these opinions?

A: I've done all the research I need to form the opinions I have now. Again, no such thing as a true religion. It's literally impossible. Blind faith doesn't make something true. I believe that religions are formed to help people. A lot of people don't have a lot of structure in their life, so they look to religion for that structure. I however, don't need that kind of structure. I am extrememly happy in the life I live. I have a good job, a wonderful, faithful, loving husband, a cute dog, a great little condo (that I own) in a good area, a nice car, nice clothes, great friends and family...I mean, what more could I honestly need? I would love to be rich someday, but going back to church is never gonna help me achieve that. In fact, if I went back to church I would just loose 10% of my monthly income...so no thanks! When I was younger and forced to go to church, my Bishop used to lie to me and say that if I paid a full tithing that I would "magically" be richer, what a croc!

Now, having said all the things I just said...I want everyone to know that I don't hate the church. I really don't! I simply have differing beliefs. The LDS church does SO much good in this world. I love the fact that they are one of the first organizations to show up at a natural disaster to help clean up and provide necessary materials and services. They have helped thousands, maybe millions of people and I love that! I love that they put an emphasis on family values. Family is extremely important to me! I love my family and can't wait to start one of my own with Kory someday :)

So yeah, there it is. Take me or leave me ;) These are just my humble opinions and I am sorry if I have offended anyone, but I have no control over that. If you choose to be offended at anything I said, that is your perogative. Please know that my intentions are NEVER to hurt anyone, or even prove them wrong. But I'm at a point in my life where I am tired of keeping my mouth shut or being too vague for the fear that I might offend someone. I've always avoided conflict throughout my life and I still try to avoid it at all costs, but living in Utah, this is an issue that can no longer be avoided or ignored. I am who I am for good reasons, and I'm not going to sugar-coat my beliefs for anyone anymore. I consider myself to be a strong young woman with good values and integrity. I believe in being honest, true to yourself, and good to others, and I hope that translates thorough my daily actions.

I feel that the key to good communication is being open, honest and understanding. Sometimes the best thing to do is agree to disagree, and that is perfectly normal and ok. Not everything has to be a battle between right and wrong. I'm very open-minded and would love to hear anyones thoughts about this topic. If you have any questions about anything I've said, I would be more than happy to answer them :) Thank you!

Sincerely,

Michelle Baldwin ♥

By far the BEST day of my life!

The happiest day of my life! Kory and I were married on September 2, 2010. Our puppy, Onyx was even there. It was perfect ♥

If I was the Dictator of America...

If I was the ("evil") Dictator of America, I would make these laws...

#1 Legalize Gay Marriage in ALL 50 States
Not giving equal rights to all American citizens, is simply un-American and morally wrong. Why should I be allowed to marry the man of my dreams, when some of my good friends who happen to be gay, can't marry the one that he loves? This should not even be an issue. If you don't agree with it, fine...but don't force YOUR beliefs (thinking you're the only correct opinion) on everyone else. We are ALL created equal and should be treated as such.

#2 Punishment should fit the Crime
- If you commit Rape: You will have your junk painfully removed + 20 years in Prison. You will be peeing out of a nub for the rest of your life, enjoy.
- If you shoot and kill someone: You will be shot and killed...end of story.
- Animal Cruelty: You will have your hands and feet cut off.
- If you torture and/or murder someone all in the name of hatred: You too, will be tortured and/or killed.
...Anyway you get the point, whatever evil you do, it will be done to you as punishment.
Obviously there are certain circumstances that would be taken into consideration, like if someone just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time or something similar. But if it is blatently obvious that you are guilty...justice will be served.

#3 Legalize Drugs
Here's why: America spends hundreds and thousands of dollars trying to fight off illegal drugs and drug dealers. But think about this: If we legalized drugs, it would put thousands of drug dealers out of business, forcing them to get REAL JOBS! Also, instead of America spending millions to fight illegal drugs, the Government could just tax the crap out of drugs, alcohol and tobacco and America would save BILLIONS!
If you look at the statistics in Europe, more drugs are legal there, but the drug use rate is surprisingly low. Once something is no longer "taboo" it makes whatever it is less fun, therefore taking somr of the thill away that comes with doing drugs today.
I personally don't think drugs are a good thing. I hate what they've done to some friends and family of mine and I don't encourage use of them at all, but for the economy's sake, it would help things tremendously. I mean think about it...druggies know that the good people they know are hoping and praying everyday that they quit drugs, but usually that's not enough motivation for them to stop. So instead of them risking jail-time getting their drugs, they would at least be able to do it legally.

#4 EVERY Holiday celebrated in the U.S. would be a paid Holiday
This includes: Birthdays, New Year's (Eve & Day) Valentine's Day, President's Day, MLK Day, Mardi Gras, St. Patrick's Day, Easter, April Fool's Day, May Day, Arbor Day, Memorial Day, 4th of July, 24th of July, Labor Day, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas (Eve & Day), Hannukah, & Kwanzaa, etc.
There are probably some I missed, but EVERY Holiday would be a Paid Holiday off work :)

#5 More Green
I would make it so that Oil companies were only allowed to make 10% Profit off their oil, simply because people in the Oil industry make WAY more than needed. Even at earning 10% Oil companies would still be raking in the dough. It would make gas a lot cheaper, therefore saving millions of Americans gas money! And instead of burning coal to create energy, lets get rid of a lot of the pollution in the air and start using more solar energy!

#6 Equal Taxes
I don't understand why wealthier people have to pay a higher percentage in taxes, simply because of the fact they earn more than most. Wealthy people are usually people who have either gone to college for many years to earn a degree in which they can have a career that pays really well, or they started their own business and worked their asses off. Wealthy people aren't typically hoity toity spoiled brats who get whatever they want. They work HARD for their money! So why should the Government punish them for being successful? It's demotivating, and it discourages success, which is aweful!
I would make a law that says the Government has a flat rate of taxing 15% of all Americans, not just some. It's another matter of equal rights among U.S. citizens!


Anyway, those are some of the things I would change if I were in charge. They will NEVER happen, but it's still fun to dream ;)

Support other people's goals...

So I have decided to set goals to help me get in shape and stay that way. I've calculated the amount of calories I can consume per day, I plan on going to the gym at least 3 times a week and one of those times I have to do cardio...even though I hate cardio with a passion. Anyway, I've set these goals because I'm tired of being not fat, but not skinny...I wanna be FIT and in shape! And I want it to look like I actually put effort into what my body looks like.

Now...I'm not one of those ditsy girls that's walking around telling everyone "Oh my god, I'm so fat! I need to loose like 30 lbs." I'm not like that AT ALL. In fact, I don't even think I'm fat to begin with. I have a little bit larger build, some people may say I'm skinny, other people may say I'm a little bigger. I want to loose a tiny bit of weight and tone up my entire body...

Here's my problem...if I tell people that...they look at me and say "Ugh why? You don't need to! You're skinny, blah, blah" and while I appreciate them saying that I don't need any work...it would be nice to have people just say "That's awesome that you can discipline yourself enough to do it, keep it up!" things like that. We all need more support! Don't you think!?!?! I DO!

For example: I have a friend and he is tall and very thin, he works out so he's got muscle to him...but he is a rail...his waist is probably about as big around as my thigh...anyway, he loves to jog every morning...and people will ask him why he does it, because he's so skinny. But he just wants to have a healthy heart and so in order to do that, he jogs every morning. And there's nothing wrong with that.

This is me just venting...but I just think we all need to support each other more, rather than criticize and make smug faces when people say they want to loose weight or tone up or whatever. That's all I'm saying :)

THE END.

The BEST thing that's EVER happened to me! (WARNING: Don't read if you're not a lovey-dovey kind of person)!

Ok, well...lets's start with a few months back. I was just a girl working full-time dating around here and there, but nothing really serious. I dated one guy for a while, and it was obvious that things weren't going anywhere, then I dated another guy and we decided just to be friends, but maybe date here and there just for fun.

So I'm at work one day and I saw something funny on YouTube, so I e-mailed it to my friend Kory down in the Division of Corporations (I used to work across the hall in the Division of Consumer Protection...that's basically how I knew Kory). We didn't really hang out ever, our relationship basically consisted of chatting on IM every once in a blue moon, if I sent him something funny or vise verse.

Long story short...I knew Jason (a co-worker of Kory), then ended up dating another co-worker, R.J., for a while. So I knew Jason first, then met R.J. and Kory and so on and so forth. We used to go outside of the building on our breaks and play hackey sack...which, by the way, is way harder than it looks. Anyway, that's how I met these guys.

It's about mid-July of '08 and I saw something funny online so I sent it to Kory, cuz I knew he would love it. He IMed me and told me he thought it was awesome and we started a conversation from there. We IMed back and forth...ALL DAY. Needless to say there was some flirting going on. We got talking and somewhere in the conversation he told me that he was single, and I was shocked because I knew he was married once, he was married when we played hackey sack, but like I said, we didn't really have much of a relationship other than just IMing once in a while. So that news was a bit shocking....and kind of exciting ;)
We talked, and talked, and decided it would be fun to hang out sometime. So we did.
He came and picked me up at my house, we went to the Gateway Mall, ate some fabulous California Pizza Kitchen Pizza and Pasta, then went to see "Get Smart". We were both really surprised at how well we got along and how much fun we had together. But, we just went with it.
After that we went to his place, he showed me around, and we sat on his couch and talked for like 2 hours, nothing but great conversation. And it was wonderful! I had an amazing time surprisingly. I mean, I always had a crush on Kory, but NEVER thought anything would ever come of it, especially seeing how he seemed like a goody-good and I was really layed back and above all things, I knew he was married, so of course I never bothered with trying to flirt with him.

We had such a great time on our first date that we went on a second date the next day, and a third date the next day, and a fourth date the day after that...It wasn't until THEN did we kiss. And this kiss, wasn't just any first kiss...oh no! We were at my house and it was raining and thundering like crazy outside. It was about 2 in the morning, so we decided to go out into the middle of the street and just stand in the rain! We were laughing at how cool it was that there was a rainstorm, cuz we both love rain. Then we started hugging, and at the same exact moment, we both looked at each other and we KNEW! We knew we were going to kiss. It was, by FAR, the most amazing first kiss EVER...and the fact that our FIRST kiss was in the pouring rain in the middle of the street at 2 a.m. with hardly any cars anywhere! Oh my goodness, I was completely shocked by all of this. Kissing him was the best feeling in the world!

The funny thing about Kory and me, is that neither of us really wanted a serious relationship...in fact, Kory didn't want a girlfriend at all, he told me that from the beginning and I was fine with it...but neither of us were aware of how much chemistry we have together. Kory didn't think I was his type AT ALL, he thought I was...well...let's just say he didn't think of me as Real High Class, and I thought that he was the preppy frat guy who was so into himself and spent an hour in the mirror each day...we both turned out to be completely wrong about one another...which is GREAT!

We've been dating ever since then, and it's been the best few months of my life. He's energetic and fun, he's smart, honest, hard-working, loyal, funny, silly, smooth, romantic, and he's sexy...ok I'm not gonna go into detail...but he is the best thing that's ever happened to me. I still get butterflies when I think of him. And whenever we're not together, all I can think about is how much I miss him and love him.
He's brought so much more meaning into my life and he encourages me to be a better person. He loves me for who I am, he doesn't ever try to change anything. And he's honest with me, and BONUS! He trusts me back.
He's one of the best friends I've ever had and I love him more than you can imagine. He makes it a point to tell me he thinks I'm beautiful and let's me know how much he loves me...and his actions speak even louder.
He listens to me when I'm upset and need to vent and he always has something helpful to say!
I couldn't ask for a better boyfriend...he's everything I've always dreamed of in a Man. And the best part about it...all of it is real. Sometimes it doesn't seem like it, infact, most of the time it's almost like I'm dreaming (cheesy, I know, but it's true). The first time he told me he loved me I was silent for a solid 10 seconds because I thought I heard the words "I love you Michelle." come out of his mouth, but I was shocked and I didn't want to say "I love you too!" if he didn't say it. BUT HE DID!!! It was one of the best feelings I had ever experienced. I will NEVER forget that feeling. And just being with Kory in general is the best feeling ever!
I truly believe the quote "The best thing you will ever learn is to love, and be loved in return." I have found that to be more true than any other statement!

Ok, I apologize to anyone reading this, if they are now sick to their stomache, but I had to get this out of my system and let EVERYONE know how happy Kory makes me! He's my everything!

And to any girl that's in a boring relationship that isn't going anywhere, DON'T EVER SETTLE FOR LESS THAN YOU DESERVE! If I decided to settle, it would have been the WORST decision of my life, in my opinion. I would've never met the love of my life! And no one can make me feel the way he does.

To Kory: If you're reading this, all of it is true. I'm so thankful for you in my life, I sometimes feel I don't deserve you. You're so good to me and you're truly everything I've ever dreamed of. I love you very, very much. You're my everything!

THE END!

Top 10 New Year Resolutions 2009!

1) Take some classes at SLCC.

2) Save money to go on fun trips.

3) Commit to exercising on a regular basis.

4) Loose approx. 10 lbs. and TONE IT UP!

5) Floss more.

6) Eat out less and/or prepare healthier meals for myself.

7) Finish all seasons of The Office.

8) Increase my knowlege of things.

9) Work on my art.

10) Be the best person I can be for Kory, my Family, and Friends!

Let us be Happy and GAY!

This blog isn't written out professionally, it doesn't have a works cited page or anything like that. This is simply the way I personally feel about Gay/Lesbian marriage.
First off, let me just say, I'm not gay by any means. But I do feel very strongly that people are too critical and rude when it comes to gay marriage.
This is such a huge issue to so many people, and I've never understood why! I don't see how just because something is maybe 'different' to what we're used to, is wrong. I am a woman, and I am attracted to men...I don't force myself to be that way, it just comes naturally. Just as my gay friends that are male, and happen to be attracted to the same sex. They don't try to feel like that, it just comes naturally to them too!
So why is gay/lesbian marriage so wrong in some people's minds? I dated a guy once, we were really happy, we were together for about 4 months and then I found out he was engaged! He was in the Army and he went off to Iraq and after he had been out a month, that's when I found out he was engaged on his myspace profile...lame huh? Long story short, I dumped him, he came back from Iraq and married his fiance, who was stupid enough to stay with him, knowing what he had done. So my problem with this is: Why can an ass like him, have a wonderful, legal marriage, but my gay friends, who are great guys, some of the sweetest most honest people I know...can't get married to the ones that they love and be happily married? Love is Love, and it shouldn't matter if it's 2 girls, 2 guys, or a girl and a guy. Love isn't defined by gender!
There are hate crimes happening all the time just because of the fact that someone is gay! And it's wrong! Being gay doesn't make any one person bad or wrong, it doesn't have anything to do with who they are as a human being. It's just different from the norm. Big deal!
Anyway, that's the way I feel...just needed to vent =D

Kory and Me...X-mas 2008!

LoVeRs